Hey sweetie it's funny all I said to OUR KID was can u please change Pop's site? I know it sounds easy but in reality is not an easy thing to do but here we are past Christmas and on a beautiful new site thanks to her. She is the shining star in my life hopefully she knows that but I love to remind her every once in a while. I just need this site to go to every once in a while to talk to u and thank God she keeps it maintained anyway my sweet u know that my life is fu....d up but it's ok I have lots of laughs and surround myself w/young people so I find it manageable and for the most part humorous which I think u would enjoy so Please my sweet watch Over Me Guide Me until I meet w/u again my love...............
Hi There / Susie
Hey Babe!! Well the holidays are over and I missed u so much again!!! I had recollections of past holidays that made me very sad. It's beeen what 2 1/2 years and I feel the same? I truly don't understand I should be getting some relief by now but I can certainly understand why not I loved you JUST THAT MUCH and there's nothing I can do about my thoughts or rememberances so I have to go for this Rocky Ride for now and just let u know I still love u so much babe that will never change. I Love You Babe Me Close
Heading South / Susie
I want to continue yes I have plans to move south too much work for me up here I need to take it easy. I've had a very hard life now it's time for me Love Ya Baby! Close
MERRY CHRISTMAS / Susie
Hi Sweetie Hope you are doing well I miss u so much especially this time of the year. Luckily my daughter knows this and has been giving me extra attentionshe is such a good girl. I bought Britt a new laptop and have been getting flack because of it not Michelle she understands me and knows me by now but from stupid people as I told our daughter don't tell me what to do w/my money my granddaughter or my daughter!! Anyway it's Christmas Eve and here I am w/James but that's ok I'm comfortable w/my situation but God I miss you so much I think of you often and miss you more All my love Close
Beautiful Site / Susie
Hasn't Michelle just done a wonderful job w/this site just as she does w/everyhting? I saw Britt yesterday and it was so nice we went out for breakfeast shopping out for dinner etc it made me so happy to see her she is such a good kid thanks to my daughter!! Close
Well here we are again and you are not here' for that I am angry. I cannot fathom the loneliness that mommy must feel on a daily basis. I try to put up a good front for her and hide my anger. I know you would understand how I feel when I suggest to her to distance herself from Uncle Peter and Ginny. I do not say it to be a bitch or cruel. I do it because she is my MOTHER. She is one of the ve left in my life and the very few people I have left in my life and the ONLY one I can confide in. Her heart is empty her soul is hungry and she feels lost. I am sorry Pop I could not call Uncle Peter. Though god knows I wish him no ill at all I have to do what is right for me. Unforunately that means I have to distance myself from them because I do not believe in my heart of hearts either one of them will stop. Why Mommy keeps getting sucked in is beyond me. Love?? Obligation? Loneliness? Whatever the case I want to take her and tell her to STOP!!!! I know they are family and it is NOT easy whatsoever. I also am fully aware that he just went through a tough experience but enough is enough. Meibe I am just hardened by all I have seen. It is NOT fair that hey INVOLVE MY mother in all of their mayhem and dysfunction. Mommy is much more soft than me. For Thanksgiving I have one special request. Help her to stop and think of what you would say when the phone rings and their is nonsense on the other end. She just needs to decide what she wants and make it final. All she has been her life is taken advantage of and it needs to end. I am only looking out for her best interest because I love her so much. They live in a toxic world and anyone that steps into it gets contaminated. It sickens me that she has to go to Thanksgiving with all of this stuff going on-----it truly is sickening. I pray she finds a job and I pray especially that someday some way she can once again find happiness and be released from the realm of loneliness that haunts her daily.
Enough about this. I hope you have an awesome Thanksgiving in Heaven. No worries about me======I'm always able to jump right to my feet. I miss you so much I cannot even say. You were taken way to early. The only peace I find is that you are watching down on us. Happy thanksgiving Pop I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Babe / Susie
Hi Sweetie I know it's late and Michelle will be mad at me but I had to talk to you I miss u so much it is not getting any better for me what am I to do? If I didn't have my kid and my grandchild I don't know Michelle is so good she fills that void she calls me almost every day and I so love it! Please don't tell her it's too much pressure on her she has had alot of pressure on her that I am not happy about but I have to mind my own business (for now) I miss u so much Baby no less than 2 years ago and the only one that understands that is our daughter. She is working so hard and I am so proud of her everything is on her as it was on me but she is so making me proud! I love her so much I know she'll be pissed tomorrow when she sees what time I was up to but I can't help it I am lonely miss u love her miss her and this is all I can do to rememdy that Love YaClose
MY LOVE / ME
OH My Sweetie I am so thankful that I have this site to come to I cannot express how I feel anywhere else. Today I was putting some things up in the atttic and I just broke down because I missed u so much. I know it's selfish of me but I virtually have no one Michelle & Family are in N.H. Peter has his own demons and I have no one I do have James and Sqweeky but I feel so hollow almost like I'm not alive I am trying so hard not to be depressed but I notice myself gradually going in the bed and that is not me please guide me my Love. Close
Here we go Again / Susie
Oh Frankie I feel the old twinges of freight Peter has cancer and it's time to deal again but we are so tired how can we do it?? I know trust in God well I am trying but I find it very hard. Michelle has created this site which I knew nothing about but somehow she knew that I would come here Thank You My Sweet Daughter! We are both suffering one no more than the other it's equal love as far as Pete is concerned just please give us strength!! Thank You my Beloved Close
HEY BABE / Susie
Meibe it's because it's 9/11 who knows all I know is that I miss u w/all of my being!!! I Love u so much!!! I am still so sad w/out you you were my everything and I know I was yours why we can't be together in this lifetime is beyond me!! I have to be w/all these plastic people that I really don't care about just to fill that void that you left I am trying so hard to lead a "NORMAL LIFE" but it's impossible w/out u I miss u so much! You were my soul mate these other people are just "fill ins"please wait for me up there I so much want to be w/u for eternity! I Will Always Love You Close
Miss You / Susie
Well I'm going to try and write to you one more time I haven't had much luck uploading past notices so here goes! I Miss you so much my Love It was just 2 years ago that u left me and I almost lost it w/out u! The animals still miss u also!! The time around your anniversary I kept crying because of my sadness over your loss. Our little house is not the same w/out you there is a loneliness about. I try to keep myself busy but how much work can I do?? I try to have fun and at times I do but I keep comparing everyone to you and so they of course don't measure up all I can say is that life is not the same w/out you and I wish we could do it over because I DO miss you so much still. My Love Close
A PLACE TO COME / Susie
I am so happy that i have this little spot to come to to talk to you I miss u more than God knows!!! I will never find another love in my life equal to you and I just want to be w/you honestly I have tried to be happy meet other people but no one can add up to you believe me I have tried they're ALL jerks OH BABE I MISS U SO MUCH!!! I can not think of how u suffered it was the worst thing I ever saw ever!! and there was nothing I could do through all your suffering please forgive me but I did what I thought I could. I will always LOVE YOU MY SWEETHEART ME Close
Hey You / Susie
I just needed to talk to you tonight, I noticed on your Mistubishi SUV that you left me that the expiration for the registration is Aug. 09, I found this funny because that's the date of your leaving me, Aug. 29th. God I miss you so much, I have friends and go places, but it's not the same as having you here, when I go to work outside, I think of how we used to work together and just start crying. I will NEVER get over you, you were the best thing that ever came into my life and I miss you so much. LOVE U ALWAYS Close
Hi Sweetie / Susie
Hi Sweetness!! I still think about you so often, sometimes I think of how much you suffered without asking for any pity right to the end, you kept your pain to yourself, but it must have been awful, because Cindy Pistey Michelle's friend that runs the funeral parlor said that she never saw a body that had suffered so badly. These things I will never forget, you were simply amazing. I miss you so much I still cry for you , I set up your garden again this year w/all of your favorite trinkets. I sometimes wish I hadn't been hurt so badly in my first marrriage, I think if I had married you things would have been different, I know you always wanted that, but I just couldn't, he really screwed me up bad. I'm so sorry and yes, I do regret that sometimes. Please forgive me if I ever did anything to hurt you, you certainly never deserved to be treated badly. I was really surprised when I came to this site tonight, that kid of mine is such a gem! She changed everything and never told me, I know it was for you, she loved you SO MUCH, please help her, she is trying so hard and has SO MANY things against her, but she's strong, she'll make it, I just know! Well I goota go, I have to get up at 4:00 A.M. so I have to get some sleep, be well my love and know that I will love you for eternity. Close
JUST THINKING / SUZY
Hi Sweetie, I was just thinking about you and wanted to drop you a line. Everything here is the same. I'm still working Part Time, I'm still missing my KID, I'm still missing you. I think about you all of the time, and how we did everything together and now, it's just me. I've tried to get friends so I'm not so all alone and that's working pretty good, but it's not like having you here. These people are "JUST FRIENDS" and that's the difference, the only family that I have now are Peter and Ginny and they try, but you know..........I spoke the other night at you know where about how you suffered and never complained and never took a drink and it got me really upset talking about it but I felt better getting it out. I go there for you to carry your message on. I try to feel that I'm carrying something that you started, I know how much you loved the group, and wanted to pass on what you learned, so I'm trying. Love you Close
MEMORIAL DAY / Susie
Well, here we are Memorial Day 2009, and almost 2 years since you left us. We miss you no less, maybe more. I've seen Tim, Ginny's ex lately and he reminds me so much of when you were sick! He just keeps going, never complaining, but I know he, as you were in pain, it must be that when people get so sick, they become heroes to the rest of us, it's so unbelievable the strength that seems to come from within. I had mentioned how I was making cheescake for the picnic and he picked up and said how much he loved cheesecake, well, you can be sure he will get maybe half of the cheesecake, maybe If I had enough ingredients I would have made him his own, but you can be sure that I will make him his own asap!! Michelle seems to be missing you especially this holiday so please say a special prayer for her. She's having a very tough time and needs some help I've done all I can, I feel so bad for her and Britt that's why I wanted to get that job w/the good pay so I could help them but no luck so far, however I know something is coming so I can help them. I am very sure of this! May I please say "Thank You" in advance! LOVE FOREVER & BEYOND Close
HI BABE / Susie
Hi Babe, Well the weather is getting warmer and I've been outside working, making our landscape pretty, Oh How I Miss You when I'm outside, everything makes me think of you, mowing the grass, talking to old frank , bt most especially when I take James to the pond, I can see you clearing the leaves for Britt at the swings, and then walking around the pond w/her & me & the dogs, well that's all gone now and that makes me sad, it seems that everything I had is gone, it's hard at times to be alone, but I try to cope. We had such a large family and now there's no one, it's hard to get used to. I miss you & love you FOREVER Close
No Pop, Not MARY JANE THE DRUG!!!! lol. This is a very, very special song to me that is by Alanis Morissette that I have cried to countless days/nights, etc. I actually considered it my sort of anthem at one time; for a long time. Granted, it's not an upbeat, get your groove on song. It's more of a "what was everyone thinking about me during my sad times" kind of song. It's like a person's inner good side or conscious talking to them. I just wanted to share that with you (and you too Mom). All is well, I think we're SLOWLY fixing the laptop. I went downstairs to our "relic" computer to change around your page a bit. I will try to be more on top of it because I am seeing that through the sadness, I am able to find joy. I would never, ever want you to think I do not think about you or just dismissed you b/c you are no longer here. The simple truth is some days are better than others (tearing up now). I want Mommy to know that she is not alone in her grief and loneliness for you. There are so many things I want to share with you but am only able to through my mind. You always were my biggest cheerleader and I know you would be so truly happy for the place I am in now. You'd quote me one of your wonderful phrases like, "I knew you could do it girl." I have sooooo many wonderful, treasured and sacred memories of you that I reminisce every day I breathe. I guess the truth is at times I feel a little cheated in life. I had a father who basically wanted nothing to do with me and died (by his own stupidity and demons). Then, on the other side of the coin, God gave me you. You....one of the very few people who really got me and never judged me or hurt me in any way. Unfortunately, God seemed to need you more than we did. I do believe that in Heaven you are helping us get through life. I know you would be so darned proud of me. If only I could see your face and tell you that I did it mostly for me but a little bit for all that cared for me; that includes you of course. The place I was in Pop for many, many years taught me a lot. I learned and grew from it and I own it. My only wish is that more understood. I never purposely wanted to hurt anyone. I was just a lost person trying to shut away the hurt, the pain, the weight, the rage and the depression that consumed me completely. Having been in that place for such a long time I learned a couple of things. NO ONE or NOTHING could make me get out of it; that was my decision and my decision alone. I also realized I have a wonderful support system of a few people who were rooting for me, albeit silent, for quite a very long time. I KNEW I could do it, I just didn't want to. What's the point when you're stuck in a place that you feel suffocates you. I now laugh instead of cry or get hurt. I have gotten much harder and this helps me get by. I NEED to continue to do this for me and only me because I am the only me I have and I want to re-learn how to enjoy life----one step at a time. One of your famous quotes is so pertinent to me....."nothing changes if nothing changes". So, with that said I am going to keep fighting to not really become who I was but to be a very good person, "Just for today." Having been in such a seriously deep depression, riddled with anxiety I know it will take time to be where I want to be. It did not happen to me overnight so I know it will not change overnight. Taking a "step" out of the program, I officially apologize to all of the hurt and pain that I have may inflicted on either of you. I have no drugs or anything to blame it on, just a very bad mental status. I am learning to enjoy life and pull a "you" every now and then by taking roads I don't know. I will work my hardest to be a happy/healthy person by any means. I am so lucky to have my mother and you to root for me (and Grandma too). Some people have no one. I walk straighter and taller, take no bullshit and live up to admit my faults, for I am not perfect. All I can tell you is I have never loved a man as much as I love you...(you know what I mean). You always were and will always be, until my last breath, my father. Thank you so much for loving me even with all my little flaws. I love you so bad that it actually hurts at times. I'm watching Mommy (not like a stalker), lol, and try to help her where I can. I am happy that she is happier. I am also ecstatic and relieved that big fat piece of trash in her life.....NO GOOD FREAK---, is gone. Sorry Mom, had to. Her and I will be together agin. Everyhting has a way of coming full cirlce. I will NEVER abandon her. I just wish she would not get upset of what appears to be as Britt's lack of attention/love towards her----that's Britt. I hope u r having a great time in Heaven and maybe even cooking a rotisserie chicken.
Love you more than the air I breathe,
Your daughter
ps-----------I hope Mommy like this song. WHO does NOT like Fantastic Day?????lol
WELL HELLO / Susie
WELL Hello, How are you? What a stupid question, I guess the question is how am I? Well I guess I'm ok, I'm trying but it's still hard w/out you. Frankie, I seriously don't think I will ever get over you my feelings are still so strong for you. I don't know what to say anymore I think after all this time, I've said it all. I wish I could move on, but I just can't I'm stuck on you and that's all there is. I honestly don't know what to do anymore, it's just that we should be together and that's it. Love You, Me Close
Another Holiday / Michelle Welkes (daughter)Read >>
Another Holiday / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
Well Pop, it's another holiday. It's Easter, as I am sure you know. Though I am saddened that I will be working, the truth of the matter is, in some small way I am glad. Glad that I am possibly making someone else's holiday. Someone whose own children do not care about them and want their parents to have a pizza on Easter Sunday. I'll have my dinner later and I have plenty more Easter's ahead of me. This could very possibly be this persns last Easter on Earth. I just don't get people. What's more is I do not get ME lately. I don't know what's happening----all of this peace and happiness inside of me. In a way it's kind of scary b/c it has been sooooo damn long. I don't know how to react, so I just go with it. I think it took this job to show me that I have everything going for me and that if I choose to sleep/depress my life away, one day I will wake up, be 80 and find out I did nothing with my life. This job truly makes me feel like I am making a difference in people's lives. Maybe it is true what my therapist said. The fact that taking care of others helps me to take care of myself. I shrugged it off at first but it all makes sense now. I'm just happy that I am happy. It's like a different person, or should I say the "old" me. Working, staying up until 9, losing weight, and laughing. Enough about me----I would wish you a happy Easter but I KNOW you are having one. I need a favor-------please tell everyone I love that I miss them so. Tell them too that not a day goes by that I do not think about them all. It is because of all of them that I am able to do what I do each day. They each, including you have made me the person that I am; and I love you for that.
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